"Let Me Love You"

It's been awhile since I've done my little "songs-I-love-that-have-significant-meaning-for-me" bit. This song by Mario is not only lyrically and melodically wonderful, but it serves as a constant reminder for me not to tolerate bullshit from the opposite sex. Thankfully, my love life hasn't suffered another blow lately, but every time I listen to it, I'm reminded that there are good guys out there and that I deserve someone who will treat me with love, dignity, and respect. Plus, Mario is in one of my favorite movies, "Freedom Writers". LOVE THAT MOVIE! Although, Hilary Swank annoys the shit out of me.

Writing lesson plans SUCKS

So, with the first week of actual teaching (not subbing) under my belt, now comes the work. The first week is chock full of what us teachers call "community-building". You know, all those "getting to know you" type games, etc. Besides that, all we've really done so far is explain the procedures, expectations, the syllabus, and all that jazz. Now I'm working on the actual lesson plans which will begin on Monday. It's not so bad, but what I despise is coming up with all those damn objectives, like: "Students will be able to record his/her knowledge and understanding of vocabulary" and "students will be able to self-diagnose current writing skills and implement new strategies for creating ideas". That's basically a bunch of mumbo-jumbo that means they'll be taking a vocab quiz and revising a paragraph they wrote. Granted, it's purposeful and relevant, but at times, it's a bit....well, bullshit. Alright, back to work.

My "baby". :(

My "baby" is growing up, and while I'm so happy and proud of what an awesome kid he is and what a fine young man he is becoming, it makes me so freaking sad! He's away this weekend, and I just don't quite know what to do with myself. He's celebrating his last weekend before the start of second grade at Camp Wyman. His first time away from home. I'm about to burst into tears right now. I miss him so much! He drives me up the freaking wall sometimes, but damn! I can't live without him!!!! *tear, *tear. :(

Titans baby!

Maybe my iPod is gone, but at least I have the Titans- my all-time favorite football team. They won tonight, and their final score was 17- my lucky number. Maybe it's a small sign that things are going to start looking up for me. Finally. Only time will tell, I suppose, but I'm big on the whole "sign" thing, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Karma's a FUCKING BITCH

I have seriously lost all faith in humanity. I have always prided myself in being the kind of person who truly cares about other people- even complete strangers- and I often go out of my way to be helpful in any way that I can. Recently, I stopped doing nice random acts of kindness because it seems like every time I do, it completely backfires and I get completely fucked over in the end. Well, today, I decided to resort back to my kind ways. As I was leaving the South Campus of UMSL today after a meeting, this woman- short, black, homely, around 30 years old- grabbed my attention and kindly pleaded for a ride, near the intersection of I-170 and Brentwood because her car had broken down. I thought about it for a split second, and then realizing that this was (kind of) on my way home, I agreed. After all, I didn't want to be one of those rude, selfish, inconsiderate people who just walked by without even contemplating helping out this stranger. So we're making small talk as we drive to my brother's house, which was on the way, so I could pick up Alex. I ran in to get him (bringing with me my purse, cell phone, and car keys. After all, this is a complete stranger and I wasn't taking the chance on getting my car stolen or something). Anyway, so I'm in and back out in about two minutes, and we were on our way. I dropped her off in front of the Barnes Extended Care nursing home in Brentwood, where she said "thank you", and we parted ways.

I felt good about what I had just done. Not to float my own boat or anything, but not everyone would do such a favor for a complete stranger. Well, all was well until......

About an hour ago. Alex and I drove up to Shop n' Save to return a couple of movies to the RedBox. As we're pulling out of the parking lot, I had the craving to listen to a little Jason Mraz, so I reached for my iPod (which is kept between the console and the passenger seat, completely out of view, attached to the iPod car connector thing-a-ma-jig). GONE. FUCKING GONE. THAT FUCKING BITCH STOLE MY FUCKING IPOD RIGHT UNDER MY FUCKING NOSE.

What is wrong with people?!?! Someone does you an incredibly generous favor, and this is how you re-pay them?!?!

Just when I was beginning to regain some faith in the common man, I get completely fucked. I am DONE helping people. From now on, when someone asks me for a favor, I'm going to tell them to KISS MY FUCKING ASS.

I want this house!!!!

Ok, so now that I'm finally going to be done with school and getting my career off the ground, the reality of being a home-owner is inevitably in the near future. I've always been interested in real estate and in seeing what's out there, so lately I have been extra curious. I want to see what's out there, and with the housing market as shitty as it is, how much house I'll be able to afford. Right now, the area I'm most interested in is Ferguson. My (former?) church is in Ferguson, and I really like the area. I've subbed for the Ferguson-Florissant school district, and I loved it. I'll probably apply to teach at McCluer South-Berkeley High School eventually, and I have faith enough in the district that I would have no problem entrusting them in providing Alex his education. Downtown Ferguson has a real old-time feel; it reminds me of "Old Webster"- a part of Webster Groves that is striving to become more trendy. Granted, Ferguson is a little bit slower paced, but I really like it there. It has beautiful parks, little traffic, and nice homes for reasonable prices. Let's just put it this way. This house (follow the link) would easily cost 220,000 in Webster. And that's being very conservative. The asking price for this house is $169,900- at the very top of my budget (when I'm working full-time, that is). But, then again, that's just the starting off point. Everything is negotiable. Seriously though. Follow the link and take the virtual tour of this house. It is EXACTLY what I'm looking for!!!! Awesome backyard, fenced in (for Ted), nice patio. Six-panel doors, crown molding, fireplace, granite countertops, hardwood floors, landscaping, garage, foyer. Space for a basketball hoop for Alex. Everything down to the dining room chandelier is precisely what I'm looking for! Anyone want to loan me some money??? :)

http://realestate.yahoo.com/Missouri/Ferguson/Homes_for_sale/a751e71d8b88b93652765c2e88cde15;_ylt=AhCyKZvbnKWqlt6riYopjwvnMrQs?typeBak=realestate&p=Ferguson%2C+MO&type=classified&search=Search&priceLow=&priceHigh=180%2C000&bedroomLow=&bathroomLow=&redir=1<ype=0

Last Day

Well, my tenure at Hollywood Tan is officially complete. Today was my last day. It feels very strange to know that I don't work there anymore. I've been there since June of 2006, but it seems like even longer. I am obviously a very nostalgic, sentimental person, so all day I'm talking to myself, saying things like, "this is the last time I'm going to clean the Mystic", or "that's the last time I'm going to see so and so..." All damn day! Well, it's done. After more than two years, I can honestly say that I have come out of that place with a handful of wonderful, life-long friendships (not to mention about $1500 worth of tanning lotion). It's been a nice ride. In many ways, I'll definitely miss it, but it's time to move on. One of my favorite (and final) customers, Nancy Rios, said something that I think will stick with me for the rest of my life. As she was leaving this afternoon, and after I told her it was my last day, she said "It takes a very special kind of person to be a teacher. You are that person, Katie." She said it with such sincerity, in such a heartfelt way that it really affected me in a way I didn't expect. People are constantly congratulating me and wishing me luck, but the way she spoke those words will truly stay with me for a long time. Anyway, I will definitely miss things at good 'ol Hollywood Tan, but I'll tell you what- I will definitely NOT miss wiping up disgusting puddles of people's sweat, dumping out trash cans full of urine, and retrieving shit-stained underwear that people stash behind the beds. What the fuck is wrong with people?!?!

Enough already.

Enough with country music already. Holy fucking shit.

Am I a selfish bitch?

Today and yesterday were better than the day before, but I'm still feeling a little bit....well, actually, I don't even know the word for it. Sad? Depressed? Lonesome? Confused? Angry? I don't know. I had a conversation with Richard over the weekend, which was a huge mistake and spawned this damn discombobulation that I'm suffering from at the moment. I don't even want to get into it because it's completely pointless, and I feel stupid for even taking his call and putting myself in this position. I just don't understand how he can say the things he says and do the things he does. Once again, I have to remind myself that the only thing left to do is never, never, ever, ever talk to him again. In some ways it makes me really sad because he was my best friend and all that crap for a long time, and now I know that my only option is to move on with my life and leave him completely behind. I have to remember that he is my past, and I have to be ready for a future without Richard.

I know I'm going to sound like a horrible person right now, but I can't help but admit that it has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am so incredibly happy for my friends (and family, for that matter), who have been lucky enough to find someone that they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I love them all dearly, and while I'm very happy for them, I can't deny that their happiness reminds me of how unhappy I am, how lonely I am, and how damn tired I am of watching everyone else find happiness, leaving me in the dust, by myself. Jason is getting married in September, Jamey and Melody are getting married in October, my brother Jered, and my best friend Julie are both getting married next summer. Colleen just got engaged, and all of my friends are in seemingly healthy, committed, long-term relationships. Again, while I'm extremely glad the people I love have found love, what the fuck?! Even my mom, whose husband died 9 months ago, has a new boyfriend. I feel so completely and utterly alone.

I've been thinking more about my move to the East Coast. I researched jobs and houses online, and I'm planning a Spring Break road trip for me and Alex to check out the different areas of Charleston. When I think about it, I get excited. I really think I need a new start. But at the same time, I know that part of my reason for wanting to move is to escape the constant reminders of how damn happy everyone I know is. I don't want to be constantly surrounded by couples. All it does is remind me of how badly I want meet the right person and settle down. I rationalize to myself the fact that I'll be in a completely new city, starting a new life, and therefore, there will be a legitimate reason for me to be by myself. When I psychoanalyze myself, I come to the conclusion that if I move, being so lonely won't hurt so bad. It hurts so bad now because I'm constantly surrounded by people, but I am still lonely. All the time.

Ugh!!!! I don't know. I'm just so sick and tired of this feeling.

Well, maybe my life is currently in a complete whirlwind of confusion, but at least Gordon Ramsay is on tv. That will ease my mind for at least a little while.