Thoughts...

I haven't felt like blogging for awhile. Not quite sure why. My mind has been a little blank, and my heart has been a little sad, so I guess I haven't had much to say. Today was alright though. I just worked at HT, which is by no means exciting, but everything else has seemed to fall into place. Nothing major- just simple things. My shift was easy and productive, my mom actually wanted to spend some time with me (which is always a nice surprise), I'm watching Michael, Jack, and Ben, and just found out that Alex will be spending the night here, so when Brian & Janet get home from dinner, I'm free. I'm kind of in the mood to get out and grab some drinks, but then again, I always love my relaxing, quiet evenings to myself at home. I don't know. I also am beginning to finalize my Spring Break plans. I'll be spending five days and nights in Captiva Island, Florida- my favorite place in the world. I'm really looking forward to that. And I'm excited because Alex hasn't yet had the chance to go anywhere, so I know he'll just love it. He's always wanted to see the beach. He and my mom go fishing a lot, so he'll be ecstatic when he learns he can go shark fishing with Uncle Bob. It'll be wonderful. And we REALLY need a vacation.
On a different note, I've been thinking alot about the whole Richard thing. For three years I've tried to put a label on what it is that we had, and I never could. I researched emotional abuse today. Wow. It fit Richard to a tee. He has almost all the characteristics they listed, and I signify all the signs of someone who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship. All along, I thought I was crazy, or that I was the problem. But that's just what he wanted me to think. It's so comforting to know that there is indeed a name for what I had with him. That was a complete weight lifted from my shoulders. It sucks because I'm a smart girl, and I consider myself to be pretty savvy, so I never would have thought I'd be dumb enough to fall for so much bullshit. I thought for sure I was too smart to be in an "abusive" relationship. Though, he did enter my life when I was very vulnerable. It's crazy to think of all the time and energy I spent on someone who viewed me not as a woman, but as an object. He completely manipulated me and used me in almost every way possible. How could I be so blind? And to think that I thought I was in love with him! Wow. Well, the important thing is that now I know better. I know what he is, and what he will always be. And now I know that I will never fall for any of his shit again. I just feel so much better knowing that the relationship was abusive, even though it was disquised as love. I really did think I was the problem.
Anyway, hopefully things will continue to look up for me. I really need it!